Run! These Beggars Are Coming for Your Wallet & Marksheets!!!

This article is a satirical take inspired by real student experiences. Any resemblance to actual people is purely coincidental… or maybe not😏

Educational Institution Based Beggars in Every Campus You Need to Avoid

There’s one species that seems to exist in every educational institute — the Institutional Beggar. Usually disguised as a peon, admin staffer, or self-proclaimed “important” employee, this person acts like they’re running the entire college on their own two hands… yet can't even hand over your result without a 10-minute sob story.

You walk in needing your result or admission form, and this uncle is already ready with his classic starter pack:

• “Itna kaam hai mujhpe, sab kuch main hi karta hoon!”

• “Woh staff kuch nahi karta, main hi madad karta hoon sabki…”

• “Tu toh samajh sakta hai na, thoda madad kar de…”

By “madad,” he obviously means: cash, alcohol, or sometimes even “family holiday help.” Yes, really.

🍾 The Great Indian Khambaa Theory

One of our contacts recently visited a college in Mumbai where this particular species of peon didn’t even hide it. The moment the paperwork was handed over, the peon whispered:

“Kya ek chhota Khambaa ho jaaye?” (Translation: “How about a small bottle of booze?”)

The student thought he was joking. He wasn’t.

The guy sulked for 15 minutes like a disappointed child who didn't get a Happy Meal, until the student offered ₹50. The look of disappointment on his face could’ve won an Oscar — it was as if someone had flushed his last bottle of dreams straight down the sewer. His teeth had the remnants of 3 paans from the morning, and his breath was a combination of last night’s leftovers and hopelessness.

Every time the student passed by that office, this man looked at him with the hope of being "sponsored" again — like a 53-year-old version of a college influencer begging for subscribers.

🇺🇸 Western Example: The Passive-Aggressive “Helper”

In the U.S., the same breed exists — just dressed better. A student at a community college in our beloved location Vermont shared how the front-desk admin at their records office would hold their transcript hostage with endless excuses like:

“Oh, our system’s been tricky today. I might be able to rush it... unless you'd rather wait a week?”

Translation: “Bribe me with Starbucks or gift cards.”

Instead of saying it directly, they drop subtle cues like:

• “We do appreciate small tokens of kindness here.”

• “Oh you brought donuts last time, that really helped speed things up.”

Begging, but make it corporate.

🇵🇭 Asian Example: The Lowkey Extortion Expert

In Manila, a university student once told us about a security guard who took it upon himself to "facilitate" faster hostel room allotments — if and only if he received his “service fee” (₱200 cash and one pack of cigarettes). If you didn’t pay up, your application mysteriously vanished into a pile that “never arrived.”

When someone finally called him out, he said:

“I’m just helping! But no one respects effort these days.”

Classic move. Emotional blackmail, Asian edition.

🚫 How to Avoid These Beggars:

• Don’t react emotionally. They thrive on your empathy.

• Don’t engage in long conversations.

• Stay polite but firm: “Sorry sir, student hoon. Khud ki struggle chal rahi hai.”

• Never give money out of fear or guilt.

And most importantly: Don’t feel guilty for not giving anything. You’re already paying fees, struggling with deadlines, and trying to survive exams — you don’t owe them anything extra.

That’s it. Stay safe, stay broke, and let’s normalize saying “NO” to emotional blackmail in college corridors.